Tell me about delivering difficult feedback to someone on your team.

For this question, I am going to give an example of how a fellow team member was either frequently late or absent from our meetings, and what I did as a team lead to rectify it.

One of my teammember sometimes misses meetings or shows up late to meetings.
As a result, most of us end up either waiting for him or having to repeat the minutes of the meeting to him.
In the past, when we have a team member that does not show up, the management uses the stick approach.
I hated that approach.
I wanted an approach based on understanding.

In my team, when a person misses or shows up late, the first thing I usually ask that person is if everything is okay.
This shows that I am concerned about the person. Instead of assuming that person did not care, I assume that the person missed or did not show up because something major had happened to them.
For example, I first say, “Hey I saw that you showed up late. Is everything okay with you?”
Usually they say something like, “Sorry, I had to drop off the kids” or “Sorry, I overslept”.
I proceed to tell them that I understand but I need them to see the consequences of their actions from our point of view.
For example, I say, “I understand, but I want you to understand that the entire team had to wait 5 minutes until you are there”
I usually advise that it’s okay if you are going to be late or miss a meeting.
But it’s crucial that you inform the team on slack so that we can carry on without you. Things happen, we understand.

As a result of this approach, most teammates announce clearly when they will be late or will not show up.
Most of the time, they show up because constantly posting that you’re going to be late -looks bad.

One lesson to take away from this is that not every bad action needs a stick approach.
Sometimes, we have to come from a place of understanding.
Coming from a place of understanding promotes camaraderie and a sense of belonging towards the team.

Understand the psychology of feedback (and how it’s going to impact the person receiving it)
Reframe feedback as “advice” or “guidance”
Forget the sandwich method and focus on candor instead
Be informative and focus on areas of improvement
Continually work on building a culture of trust